Shall We Have Some Cawfee Tawlk?

Morning Sunshine. I'm far too undercaffeinated for this. But it's 1 p.m. so I guess it's time to get off my ass. Insomnia kept me up until 5 a.m. That sucks.

I've been an insomniac since I was about thirteen or so. Puberty brought it on and it never left. Too bad my perky ass didn't stay as well.

I'm nearly 31 years old. In four days I will be 31. 31. 31. 31. But I don't feel like it. I don't feel *old*. I feel like I'm just a big overgrown kid most of the time. I don't really want to even celebrate my birthday this year. Last year, I THREW. DOWN. Concerts, parties, karaoke, the whole shebang. But this year....not so much. Why? Not sure. Life is...well it's shitty right now. Work isn't going great, I'm totally broke, and living with my mother. ::shudders::

But -- and there's always a but, isn't there? -- I have this fucking wonderful little kid. Peanut. She's amazing. I feel like I got so damn lucky with her. She's smart and kind of sassy and pretty much me made over. And she's sweet, and protective of smaller things and people, and she really loves her family. I'm really proud of her. Best thing I ever did, made, or will make. I think I got it right with her and I don't want any more kids.
 
And then there's Boyfriend. Who's fucking great, by the way. I don't think he "gets" me, and I don't think he ever will. I don't know that I'll ever "get" him. And I like that. It feels like we will always be learning about each other and the prospect of spending a large portion of my life learning about this amazing person intrigues me. We've been dating for a couple years, give or take some months. Whatever. It isn't something I keep track of. I'm definitely NOT the whole OMG IT'S OUR EIGHT MONTH ANNIVERSARY BABYYYYYYYYY kind of girl. That's just not me. But he's NICE. Legitimately nice. And respectful. He opens doors for me. Car doors. House doors (when he stays over)...nobody's ever done that for me. He does it like it's his second nature, and I suppose it is. It's the first thing I noticed....well, after I got sober, anyway.

I met Boyfriend while I was on a date with another guy. The first date with another guy. That I met online. First time trying out online dating. What a nightmare that turned out to be. I called my friend who I love dearly to come and meet me for some karaoke. I knew I'd want some backup just in case Internet Guy turned out to be a complete and utter weirdo. (he was, but I didn't find out until later) My Friend brought this guy with her. I thought it was her boyfriend. Turns out it wasn't. God he was sexy. And holy fuck he sang karaoke too! He made me laugh. The Internet Guy...he didn't make me laugh. He didn't do karaoke. And he didn't even stay to hang out very long. I thought he wasn't interested... Except before he left he asked me to go to Nashville with him the next month for a concert. And I agreed. Partially because I'm an idiot, and partially because I fucking love Nashville.

 So My Friend and Her Friend and I closed the place down. Had a blast. Laughed all night, sang all the songs, just had a fucking great time. Such a great time that we three made plans to get together for karaoke in two weeks time. Yay for a standing date with NEW FRIENDS!

Then I looked him up on Facebook. Or he looked me up. Whatever, it happened. We chatted a little bit throughout the following couple weeks. Conversely, Internet Guy called me as well. I don't remember if I even went out to dinner with Internet Guy....I know we talked on the phone. Anyway, two weeks rolls around and we all meet up for karaoke. Except My Friend (the girl) just doesn't show up. I'm sitting there with HER FRIEND, the SEXY FRIEND, and getting slightly hammered. And having fucking fun. A lot of fun. The memories of the evening are fuzzy. I remember lots of vodka and redbull and lapdances. I gave him lapdances. Yep.

I'm normally not *quite* that forward of a girl. But something...got into me. Vodka, most likely, but I just fucking felt it. I was digging the hell out of this guy and he was digging me too. I thought he was just....hot. And smart. And funny. And he make me feel pretty, even though I showed up to karaoke in a librarian sweater, pigtails, and absolutely no makeup.

As you can probably guess we ended up together that night. I remember arriving at the hotel, and I turned to him, and I said, "Just so you know, I have sleep apnea. I snore like a fucking freight train." He looked at me and said, "Me too!" and I laughed. And I knew. I knew right then. Don't ask me how or why, and no, it wasn't my drunk brain. I just knew.

Things and stuff happened. The good GREAT things and stuff. I'm talking hanging upside down off the bed GREAT things. At some point we passed out...and then woke up. And he opened the car door for me. And I knew. I knew I wanted him to want me. I knew I wanted to know more about him. I knew I was terrified and it felt fucking fantastic.

And so goes the story of how I met Boyfriend.