I have got to be the oddest combination of a personality.... I'm a hippie-redneck-city girl. I am that girl who wears a ball gown with a thigh holster for her pistol while rocking red lips. And the next day I'm the girl who wears no makeup, a bandana, and MIGHTY holey jeans for long rides down dirt roads, swilling whiskey.
I feel like I got boxed in the past couple years. I think I was trying to hard to fit into a crowd that a) gave zero fucks about me on a personal level and b) I would never really fit into anyway. I have gotten back to my roots, my basics. My basic, simple, country life. And I love it. I love waking up in the morning. Yep. The am. I said it. Morning. I love going to bed by ten pm. Love it.
I suffered from terrible insomnia for so long, y'all... And it was because I was LAZY and DEPRESSED. I didn't want to get out of need.... So I didn't, and I couldn't sleep. Now, I sleep. Hard. Because I'm physically tired at the end of the day.
I feel much more like myself. I have started to accept myself for exactly who I am, and not making apologies for what I like and what I don't.
I am not hard core into video games. I FUCKING HATE WORLD OF WARCRAFT. I like MKII and Tetris and GOT. That's about it. I like to paint and draw. I like to make things. I love love LOVE doing hair and makeup. Making people feel good about themselves is the best thing ever. I love going camping, getting dirty, and feeling the sun shine on my face. I love loud music and I still hate shitty country. I like good country....but that's far and few between. I love blues music and roots music. I love funk and jazz and house and downtempo music. I love good old fashioned rock. I love wading in a newly discovered creek with my Peanut. I love finding pretty flowers and taking them home.
I'm pretty pissed off at myself for trying to mold myself into what I thought other people wanted me to be. It didn't make them like me and it made me fucking sad. Fuck that.
I love that I finally love myself again.
