It's old.
But still funny.
You guys wanna hear some really funny stuff? Earlier I posted about problem clients and having gallbladder pain.
I had been texting boyfriend all day asking about his gallbladder removal experience because hey, sometimes you need a friend, amiright? He's older, experienced with...aging...I figured he could at least talk me through it.
And it was bad. It friggin hurt. Boyfriend was on standby... Literally. Waiting for me to be done to whisk me off to the ER. I was doubled over. It was rough.
I finished three of the five -- it was originally four -- clients (the color one tried to haggle a la 'my mom is the manager at Sally's ::rotflmao::) and rescheduled the remaining two for tomorrow. Immediately collapsed. In pain. Felt like an alien trying to claw it's way out of my guts in between my ribs. Like giving birth to a dragon, if you will.
After ten minutes of me just lying there, clutching my (abundant) stomach, boyfriend demands an er visit. So we go.
Taken back immediately and did the whole 'no, I'm not pregnant, pee in a cup, get arm stabbed by tortuous phlebotomist who was overtired from sex and visiting a brother locked up in atl the night before' routine. Dr. comes in, touches my belly while I wince, and giggles and says, "I hope you like sur-ger-yyyy!!"
Now I am afraid. I am sweating. Hard. Get a series of xrays. Return to bed. Clutch belly. Whine about aliens and dragons. Get a shot of Demerol. GET EXCITED ABOUT GIVING BIRTH TO A DRAGON BECAUSE I AM KHALEESI, MOTHER OF DRAGONS.
Nurse comes in. I'm still pretty messed up... And says, "We have your official diagnosis. And it's gonna be OK. I promise." Hands boyfriend three prescriptions. I ask, "Wait...what? THERE ARE DRAGONS IN HERE THAT NEED TO BE BORN!" "Indeed," she said.
"You've been diagnosed as FOS."
I am CONFUSED. "FOS?"
"Full Of Shit." Deadpan. I GOT TOLD I WAS FULL OF SHIT.
TL/DR: I am beyond constipated (thanks holidays and not having time to poop) and now my boyfriend will have endless poop jokes to make for all eternity. And will always make sure I took my Miralax.
Happy Holidays!
K
